he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
