FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
