I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
