They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
