Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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