No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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