I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
