the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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