It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
