People in love make me want to vomit
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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