I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
