I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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