We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
