3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
