somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
