Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
