New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
