I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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