Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
