I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
