someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
