People in love make me want to vomit
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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