what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
