Screwed.edu
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
