left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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