im drinking this country out of the recession.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
