JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
