If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
