I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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