Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
