Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
