I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
