any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I am available for nakedness
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
