I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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