I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
