oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
