we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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