i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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