Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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