I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
