I think scott just propositioned me for sex
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
