Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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