someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
