your thong is hanging out like whoa
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
