That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
