I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
