I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
