Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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