He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
