just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
