So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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