i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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