i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
