watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
