you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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