Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
