it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
