If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
