i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
