It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
