the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
