Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
