Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
